Does it sound like a strange topic to you? It does somewhat sound strange to me, but it is true however before I write on remember the glass is always, always, always half-full even if it sometimes does not seem that way. Am I getting to cryptic now?! Life is good...
Now on to my post...sometimes I feel just so terribly guilty about passing on this bad gene to my babies. I remember back when Mia Rose was born we were convinced that she does not have CG. Alena weighed only a little over 6 lbs. Mia Rose was well over 8-1/2 lbs.. Hey, probably babies with CG are smaller we thought. My OB put signs, labels all over Mia Rosies crib "ISOMIL ONLY" in huge, red letters. I was laughing inside "oh, yes let's just do this but I know she does not have CG...". They rushed the cord blood to California for testing, rushed everything and yes I there was no question in my head. We went home and then less than a week later my OBs office called. We were told that Mia Rose our little baby also had CG. I broke down, I cried, I was devastated...what had I done? I gave this bad gene also to my other baby. It was all my fault. - I was in shock, not about the diagnosis but about my reaction. I knew that everything would be OK, we know how to deal with this, but I was terrified. Terrified that my beautiful little baby also may develop E.Coli and become septic. Thankfully our pediatrician ran blood tests...
But why was I so devastated, feeling guilty? - My OB told me that its OK to be grieving because we all want for our kids to have no medical problems at all. Isn't that the truth? Having girls with CG is a little bit more challenging, I know there are plenty of women having babies w/CG but knowing that there more likely than not will be a problem makes it hard for me. That is when I feel guilty, guilty, guilty that it is my fault for passing this defective gene on...
Thank you for reading this. I feel so much better now that I have written this of my chest. Thank you...and yes, yes, yes I will say it again the glass is always half-full.
I am calling it a night and hopefully will be back more cheerful later on this week. And yes, I have not forgotten about pictures about the fantastic Birthday cake my baby had on Sunday.
8 comments:
You are not alone, My hubby and I feel the same. About once or twice year I have a melt down (like last month when Anna's levels increased)
Thank YOU for opening up and getting it off your chest.
((hugs))
Thank you, Leslie :)
I could never blame my parents for this. No one knows what genes they carry (until they have a child that is diagnosed and they find out they are carriers.) My sister has a separate genetic condition and there are other conditions in the family so I realize my parents must have felt guilty sometime.
Thank you for sharing this.
I completely relate to this. Overall I'm a really postive person however there have been a couple moments when I just feel terrible that Ollie has to deal with this his whole life. I do find it consoling that living in LA I am quite sure that he will not be the only little guy in school with food restrictions but still it's a hump to get over. Thanks for the insightful post.
So true...as you could read on this post I also have my moments. I do like to think of myself so as a postitive, up-beat person (at least most of the time)...
We are also just so thankful for living on the West Coast and in PDX as there are so many kids, people w/food restrictions. And its not like a peanut allergy where exposure to the product can cause an adverse reaction, right?!
Just discovering your blog and I love it! Not sure it helps, but as my galactosemic son has gotten older, I've felt less angst about the CG. I'm sure there will be new opportunities (the first time his soccer team goes for pizza, etc.), but it seems to get easier...
Christy, thank you so much for your comment. I do agree that the angst get a lot less :)
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